Friendship: Happiness

The surest way to be miserable,” said George Bernard Shaw, “is to have the leisure to wonder whether or not you are happy.” We do not usually discover happiness in the pursuit of it. Most often it is a byproduct, coming to us as we are in the midst of giving ourselves to another.

S* expressed the meaning of intimacy for her: “With these friends you make a real effort, and then you break the barrier and you go beyond. This is a fantastic thing- you go home and lie awake because so many facts in your mind and soul have been opened. And when it is happening, I forget everything. It’s not physical at all. I can sit with a drink of water, and I don’t need any else. It’s a feeling of discovery that something here inside you seems to be growing and opening and expanding. And then the nest day I am more energetic and optimistic. Going trough the effort of sharing, of getting involved, was worthwhile. It is an increase of power, strength, and energy.

Why do we seldom relate at such a deep level? Why is there such a shortage of friendship? One simple reason: We do not devote ourselves sufficiently to it. If our relationships are the most valuable commodity we can own in this world, one would except that everyone everywhere would assign friendship highest priority. But for many, it does not even figure in their list of goals. They apparently assume that love will “just happen

But of course few of the valuable things in life “just happen”. When they happen it is because we recognize their importance and devote ourselves to them. You can have almost anything you want if you want it badly enough. If you want to make a million dollars badly enough you probably can do it. If you want to run the Boston Marathon badly enough you probably can do it. And if you want love you can have that too. It us simply a matter of priorities. Significant relationships come to those who assign them enough importance to cultivate them.