Tips: Male-Female Friendship

Here are six ideas for keeping your sexual feelings under control and still enjoying deep friendship: -

1- Don’t trust yourself too far. Be aware of the ebb and flow of your sexual desire. Most of us vary greatly in the amount of sexual feeling we have, and at times its power can rush in on us if we are not prepared. If you sexuality is at flood tide, then exercise extra caution.

2- Select companions who have strong marriages themselves. If your friend is hungry love, it may be very difficult to keep the relationship within bounds.

3- Be sensible about when and where you meet alone. Some settings are more sexual than others. Lunch, for instance, is not as likely to lead to trouble as dinner at a restaurant filled with lovers eating by candlelight

4- Talk to your mate about your friendships. When meetings become clandestine single that things are getting out of hand. Either bring yourself to tell your spouse about the progression of the friendship or get out.

5- Draw a line for physical contact. Find the amount of physical affection that is comfortable and safe for you; since no one can stay in control once sexual touching and kissing cross a certain boundary.

6- Ball out if necessary. Once in a while, no matter how much we try, a friendship with the opposite sex gets out of hand and we know where it is going to lead. If your marriage is precious to you, there is no question of what must be done, however great the pain you back away.

The Power of Concentration

The main difference between men and the animals is the difference in their power of concentration. All success in any line of work is the result of this. Everybody knows something about concentration. We see its results every day. High achievements is art, music, etc. are the result of concentration. Those who have trained animals find much difficulty in the fact that the animal is constantly forgetting what is told him. He cannot concentrate his mind long upon anything at a time. Here is the difference between a man and the animals- man has the grater power of concentration. The difference in there power of concentration also constitutes the difference between man and man. The difference is in the degree of concentration. This is the only difference

Everybody’s mind becomes concentrated at times. We all concentrate upon those things we love, and we love those things upon which we concentrate our minds. What mother is there that does not love the face of her homeliest child? That face is to her the most beautiful in the world. She loves it because she concentrates her mind upon it; and if every one could concentrate his mind on that same face, everyone would be to all the most beautiful face. We all concentrate our minds upon those things we love.

That great trouble with such concentrate is that we do not control the mind; it controls us. Something outside of ourselves, as it were, draws the mind into it and holds it as long as it chooses. We hear melodious tones or see a beautiful painting, and the mind is held fast; we cannot take it away.

If I speak to you well upon a subject you like, your mind becomes concentrated upon what I am saying. I draw your mind away from yourself and hold it upon the subject in spite your self. Thus our attention is hold; our minds are concentrated upon various things, in spite of ourselves. We cannot help it.

Now the question is; can this concentration be developed, and can we become masters of it? The yogis say, yes. The yogis say that we can get perfect control of the mind. On the ethical side there is danger in the development of the power of concentration – the danger of concentrating the mind upon an object and then being unable to detach at will. This state causes great suffering. Almost all of our suffering is caused by our not having the power of detachment. So along with the development of concentration we must develop the power of detachment. We must learn not only to attach the mind to one thing exclusively, but also to detach it at a moment’s notice and place it on something else these two should be developed together to make it safe.

This is the systematic development of the mind. To me the very essence of education is concentration of mind, not the collection of facts. If I had to do my education over again, and had any voice in the matter, I would not study facts at all. I would develop the power of concentration and detachment, and then with a perfect instrument I could collect facts at will. Side by side, in the child, should be developed the power of concentration and detachment.

How has all the knowledge in the world been gained but by the concentration of the powers of the mind? The world is ready to give up its secrets if we only know how to knock, how to give it the necessary blow. The strength and force of the blow come through concentration. There is no limit to the power of the human mind. The more concentrated it is, the more power is brought to bear on one point; that is the secret.

In training the mind the first step is to begin with breathing. Regular breathing puts the body in a harmonious condition; and it is then easier to reach the mind. In practicing breathing, the first thing to consider in Asana or posture. Any posture in which a person can sit easily is his proper position. The spine should be kept free, and the weight of the body should be supposed be the ribs. Do not try by contrivances to control the mind; simple breathing is all that is necessary in that line.

Source:- “Personality Development” written by Swami Vivekanad Ji.

Develop the Sense of Equality

Do not pity anyone. Look upon all as your equal; cleanse yourself of the primal sin of inequality. We are all equal and must not think, “I am good and you are bad, and I am trying to reclaim you’. Equality is the sign of the free....

Only sinners see sin. See not man, see only the Lord. We manufacture our own heaven and can make a heaven even in hell. Sinners are only to be found in hell, and as long as we see them around us, we are there ourselves.

Men must have education. They speak of democracy, of the equality of all men, these days. But how will a man know he is equal with all? He must have a strong brain, a clear mind free of nonsensical ideas. He must pierce through the mass of superstitions encrusting his mind to the pure truth that is in his inmost self. Then he will know that all perfections, all powers are already with in himself that these have not to be given him by others. When he realizes this, he becomes free that moment, he achieves equality. He also realizes that every one else is equally as perfect as he, and he does not have to exercise any power, physical, mental or moral, over his brother men. He abandons the idea that there was ever any man who was lower than himself. Then he can talk of equality; not until then.

Source:- “Personality Development” written by Swami Vivekanad Ji.

Faith in Oneself

The ideal of faith in ourselves is of the greatest help to us. if faith in ourselves had been more extensively taught and practiced, I am sure a very large portion of the evils and miseries that we have would have vanished. Throughout the history of mankind, if any motive power has been more potent than another in the lives of all great men and women, it is that of faith in them. Born with the consciousness that they were to be great, they became great. Let a man go down as low as possible; there must come a time when out of sheer desperation he will take an upward curve and will learn to have faith in himself. But it is better for us that we should know it from the very first.

To the man who has begun to hate himself the gate to degeneration has already opened; and the same is true of a nation.

Our first duty is not to hate ourselves, because to advance we must have faith in ourselves first and then in God. He who has no faith in himself can never have faith in God.

Whatever you think that you will be. If you think yourselves weak, weak you will be; if you think yourselves strong, strong you will be; if you think yourselves impure. Impure you will be; if you think yourselves pure, pure you will be. This teaches us not to think ourselves as weak, but as strong, omnipotent, omniscient. No matter that I have not expressed No matter that I have not expressed it yet, it is in me. All knowledge in me, all power, all purity, and all freedom. Why cannot I express this knowledge? Because I don’t believe in it. Let me believe in it, and it must and will come out.

The history of the world is the history of a few men who had faith in themselves. That faith calls out the divinity within. You can do anything. You fail only when you do not strive sufficiently to manifest infinite power. As soon as a man or a nation loses faith. Death comes.

Source:- “Personality Development” written by Swami Vivekanad Ji.

Be Brave

I once read a story about a ship that was caught in a cyclone in the south Sea Island, and there was a picture of it in the ILLUSTRATED London News. All of them were wrecked except one English vessel, which weathered the storm. The picture showed the men who were going to be drowned, standing on the decks and cheering the people who were sailing through the storm. Be brave and generous like that.

Whenever darkness comes, assert the reality and everything adverse must vanish. For, after all, it is but a dream. Mountain high though the difficulties appear, terrible and gloomy though all things seem, they are but delusions. Fear not- it is banished. Crush it, and it vanishes. Stamp upon it, and it dies. Be not afraid. Think not how many times you fail. Never mind. Time is infinite. Go forward; assert yourself again and again, and light must come. You may pray to everyone that was ever born, but who will come to help you? And what of the way of death from which none knows escape? Help thyself out by thyself. None else can help thee, friend. For thou alone art thy greatest enemy, thou alone art thy greatest friends. Get hold of the self, then. Stand up. Don’t be afraid.

Go on bravely. Do not expect success in a day or a year. Always hold on to the highest. Be steady. Avoid jealousy and selfishness. Be obedient and eternally faithful to the cause of truth, humanity and your country, and your will move the world. Remember it is the person, the life, which is the secret of power – nothing else... jealousy is the bane of all slaves. It is the bane of our nation. Avoid that always. All blessing attend you and all success.

Source:- “Personality Development” written by Swami Vivekanad Ji.

Doing Good to This World

Our duty to others means helping others; doing well to the. Why should we do good to the world? Apparently to help the world, but really to help ourselves. We should always try to help the world that should be highest motive in us; but if we consider well, we find that the world does not require our help at all. This world was not made that you or I should come and help it. I once read a sermon in which it was said “this entire beautiful world is very good, because it gives us time and opportunity to help others”. Apparently, this is a very beautiful sentiment, but is it not a blasphemy to say that the world needs our help? We cannot deny that there is much misery in it; to go out and help others is, therefore, the best thing we can do, although in the long run, we shall find that helping others is only helping ourselves.

Yet we must do good; the desire to do good is the highest motive power we have, if we know all the time that it is a privilege to help others. Do not stand on a high pedestal and take five cents in your hand and say, “Here, my poor man,” but be grateful that the poor man is there, so that by making a gift to him you are able to help yourself. It is not the receiver that is blessed, but it is giver. Be thankful that you are allowed to exercise your power of benevolence and mercy in the world, and thus become pure and perfect.

We become forgetful of the ego when we think of the body as dedicated to the service of others- the body with which most complacently we identify the ego. And in the long run comes the consciousness of disembodiedness. The more intently you think of the well-being of others, the more oblivious of self you become. In this way, as gradually your heart gets purified by work, you will come to feel the truth that your own self is pervading all beings and all things. Thus it is that doing good to others constitutes a way, a means of revealing one’s own self or ATMAN. Know this also to be one of the spiritual practices, a discipline for God- realization. Its aim also is Self-realization.

When you give something to a man and expect nothing – do not even expect the man to be grateful- his ingratitude will not tell upon you, because you never expected anything, never thought you had any right to anything in the way of a return. You gave him what he deserved; his own KARAMA got it for him; your KARMA made you the carrier thereof. Why should you be proud of having given away something? You are the porter that carried the money or other kind of gift, and the world deserved it by its own KARAMA. Where is then the reason for pride in you? There is nothing very great in what you give to the world.

Ask nothing; want nothing in return. Give what you have to give; it well come back multiplied a thousand folds- but the attention must not be on that. Yet have the power to give; give, and there it ends. Learn that the whole of life is giving, that nature will force you to give. So, give willingly. Sooner or late you will have to give up. You come in to life to accumulate. With clenched hands, you want to take. But nature puts a hand on your throat and makes your hands open. Whether you will it or not, you have to give. The moment you say. “I
will not”, the blow comes; you are hurt. None is there but will be compelled, in the long run, to give up everything. And the more one struggles against this law, the more miserable one feels. It is because we dare not give, because we are not resigned enough to accede to this grand demand of nature, that we are miserable. The forest is gone, but we get heat in return. The sun is taking up water from the ocean, to return it in showers. You are a machine for taking and giving; you take, in order to give, Ask, therefore, nothing in return; but the more you give, the more will come to you. The quicker you can empty the air out of this room, the quicker it will be filled up by the external air; and if you close all the doors and every aperture, that which is within will never come in,and that which is within will stagnate, degenerate, and become poisoned. A river is continually emptying itself into the ocean and is continually filling up again. Bar not the exit into the ocean. The moment you do that, death seizes you.

Wisdom, knowledge, wealth, men, strength, prowess, and whatever else nature gathers and provides us with, are all only for diffusion, when the moment of need is at hand. We often forget this fact, put the stamp of “mine only” upon the entrusted deposits, and pari passu, we sow the seed of our own ruin!

Source:- “Personality Development” written by Swami Vivekanad Ji.

It is Love that Pays

Nothing else is necessary but these love, sincerity and patience. What is life but growths, i.e. expansion, i.e. love? Therefore all love is life, it is the only law of life; all selfishness is death, and this is true here or hereafter. It is life to do well; it is death not to do well to others. Ninety percent of human brutes you see are dead.

Are ghosts- for none lives, my boys, but he who loves? Feel, my children, feel; fee; for the poor, the ignorant, the downtrodden; feel till the heart stops and the brain reels till the heart stops and the brain reels and you think you will go mad- then pour the soul out at the feet of the lord, and then well come power, help, and indomitable energy ...Be not afraid, my children. Look not up in that attitude of fear towards that infinite starry vault as if it would you crush you. Wait! In a few hours more, the whole of it will be under your feet. ait, money does not pay, nor name; fame does not pay, nor learning. It is love that pays; it is the character that cleaves its way through adamantine walls of difficulties.

Those who are men and yet have no feeling in the heart for man, well, are such to be counted as men at all?

Duty is seldom sweet. it is only when love greases its wheels that is runs smoothly; it is a continuous friction otherwise. How else could parents do their
duties their children, husbands to their wives, and vice versa? Do we not meet with cases of friction every day in our lives? Duty is sweet only through love, and love shines in freedom alone. Yet is it freedom to be a slave to the sense, to anger. to jealousies and a hundred other pretty things that must occur every day in human life? in all these little rough nesses that we meet with in life, the highest expression of freedom is to forbear. Women, slaves to their own irritable, jealous tempers, Are apt to their blame their husbands, and assert their own “freedom”, as they think, not knowing that thereby they only prove that they are slaves. So it is with husbands who eternally find fault with their wives.

Love never fails, my son; today or tomorrow or ages after, truth will conquer. Love shall win the victory. Do you love your fellow –men? Where should you go to seek for god - are not all the poor, the miserable, the weak gods? Why not worship them first? Why go to dig a well on the shores of Ganga? Believe in the omnipotent power of love. Who cares for these tinsel puffs of name? I never keep watch of what the newspapers are saying. Have you loved? You are omnipotent. Are you perfectly unselfish? If so, you are irresistible. It is character that pays everywhere. It is the lord who protects his children in the depths of the sea.

The individual’s life is in the life of the whole, the individual’s happiness is in the happiness of the whole; apart from the whole the individual’s existence is inconceivable – this is an eternal truth and is the bed-rock on which the universe is built. To more slowly towards the infinite whole, bearing a constant feeling of intense sympathy and sameness with it. Being happy with its happiness and being distressed in its affliction, is the individual’s sole duty. Not only is it his duty, but in its transgression is his death, while compliance with this great truth leads to life immortal.

If in this hell of a world one can bring a little joy and peace even for a day into the heart of a single person, that much alone is true; this I have learnt
after suffering all my life; all else is mere moonshine......

Source:- “Personality Development” written by Swami Vivekanad Ji.

Unselfishness will Bring Success

All outgoing energy following a selfish motive is frittered away; it will not cause power to return to you; but if restrained, it will result in development of power. This self-control will tend to produce a mighty will, a character which makes a Christ or a Buddha. Foolish men do not know this secret; they nevertheless want to rule mankind. Even a fool may rule the whole world if he works and waits. Let him wait a few years, restrain that foolish idea is wholly gone; he will be a power in the world. The majority of us cannot see beyond a few years……just a little narrow circle- that is our world. We have not patience to look beyond, and thus become immoral and wicked. This is our weakness, our powerlessness.

Selfishness is the chief sin, thinking of ourselves first. He who thinks, “I will eat first, I will have more money than others, and I will possess everything”, he who thinks, “I will get to heaven before others, I will get MUKTI before others” is the selfish man. The unselfish man says, “I will be last, I do not care to go to heaven, I will even go to hell if by doing so I can help my brothers. “This unselfishness is the test of religion. He who has more of this unselfishness is more spiritual and nearer to god. Whether he is learned or ignorant, he is nearer to god than anybody else, whether he knows it or not. And if a man is selfish, even though he has visited all the temples, seen all the places of pilgrimage, and painted himself like a leopard, he is still further off from god.

Every successful man must have behind him somewhere tremendous integrity, tremendous sincerity, and that is the cause of his single success in life. He may not have been perfectly unselfish; yet he was tending towards it. If he had been perfectly unselfish, his would have been as great a success as that of the Buddha or of the Christ. The degree of unselfishness marks the degree of success everywhere.

Life is ever expanding, contraction is death. The self-seeking man who is looking after his personal comforts and leading a lazy life- there is no room for him even in hell.

Source:- “Personality Development” written by Swami Vivekanad Ji.

Take the whole Responsibility

We are responsible for what we are; and whatever we wish ourselves to be, we have the power to make ourselves. If what we are now has been the result of our own past actions, it certainly follows that whatever we wish to be in future can be produced by our present actions; so we have to know how to act.

We get only that for which we are fitted. Let us give up our pride and understand this, which never is misery undeserved. There never has been an evil for which I did not pave the way with my own hands. We ought to know that. Analyze yourselves and you will find that every blow you have received came to because you prepared yourselves for it. You did half and the external world did the other half; that is how the blow comes. That will sober us down. At the same time, from this very analysis will come a note o hope, and the of hope is: “I have no control of the external world, but that which is in me and nearer unto me, my own world is in my control. If the two together are required to make a failure, if the together are necessary to give me a blow, I will not contribute the one which is in my keeping; and how then can the blow come? If I get real control of myself, the blow will never come”.

Nothing makes us work so well at our best and highest as when all responsibility is thrown upon ourselves. I challenge every one of you. How will you behave if I put a little baby in your hands? Your whole life will be changed for the moment; whatever you may be, you must become selfless for the time being. You will give up all your criminal ideas as soon as responsibility is thrown upon you – you whole character will change. So if the whole responsibility is thrown upon our own shoulders, we shall be at our highest and best; when we have nobody to grope towards, no devil to lay our blame upon, no personal god to carry our burdens, when we are alone responsible, and then we shall rise to our highest and best. I am responsible for my fate, I am the bringer of good unto my self, and I am the bringer of evil.

This life is a hard fact; work your way through it boldly, though it may be adamantine; no matter, the soul is stronger. It lays no responsibility on little gods; for you are the makers of your own fortunes. You make yourselves suffer, you make good and evil, and it is you who put your hands before your eyes and say it is dark. Take your hands away and see the light; you are effulgent, you are perfect already, from the very beginning.

This is the only solution of the problem. Those that blame others- and, alas! The number of them is increasing everyday - are generally miserable with helpless brains; they have brought themselves to that pass through their own mistakes and blame others, but this does not alter their position. It does not serve them in any way. This attempt to throw the blame upon others only weakness them the more.
Therefore blame upon for your own faults, stand upon your own feet, and take the whole responsibility upon yourselves. Say, “This misery that I am suffering is of my own doing, and that very thing proves that it will have to be undone by me alone.” That which I created, I can demolish; that which is created by someone else I shall never be able to destroy. Therefore stand up, be bold and be strong. Take the whole responsibility on your own shoulders, and know that you are the creator of your own destiny. All the strength and succor you want is with in yourselves. Therefore make your own future. “Let the dead past bury its dead”. The infinite future is before you, and you must always remember that each word, thought, and deed, lays up a store for you and that as the bad thoughts and bad works are ready to spring upon you like tigers, so also there is the inspiring hope that the good thoughts and good deeds are ready with the power of a hundred thousand angles to defend you always and forever.

Source:- “Personality Development” written by Swami Vivekanad Ji.

Change Yourself First

We have seen that it is the subjective worlds that rule the objective. Change the subject and the object is bound to change; purify yourself, and the world is bound to be purified. This one thing requires to be thought now more than ever before, we are becoming more and more busy about our neighbors, and less and less about ourselves. The world will change if we change; if we are pure , the world will become pure. The question is why I should see evil in others. I cannot see evil unless I be evil, I cannot be miserable unless I am week, things cannot be miserable when I was a child, do not do so now. The subject changed, so the object was bound to change; so says the VEDANTA.

Thus the man that has practiced control over himself cannot be acted upon by anything outside; there is no more slavery for him. His mind has become free. Such a man alone is fit to live well in the world. We generally find men holding two opinions regarding the world. Some are pessimists and say “how horrible this world is, how wicked!” some others are optimists and say, “How beautiful this world is, how wonderful!” to those who have not controlled their own minds, the world is either full of evil or at best a mixture of good and evil. This very world will become to us an optimistic world when we become masters of our own minds. Nothing will then work upon us as good or evil: we shall find everything to be in its proper place, to be harmonious.

The more we grow in love and virtue and holiness, the more we see love and virtue and holiness outside. All condemnation of others really condemns ourselves. Adjust the microcosm (which is in your power to do) and the microcosm will adjust itself for you. It is like the hydrostatic paradox, one drop of water can balance the universe. We cannot see outside what we are not inside. The universe is to us what the huge engine is to the miniature engine; and indication of any error in the tiny engine leads us to imagine trouble in the huge one.

Every step that has been really gained in the world has been gained by love; criticizing can ever do any good, it has been tries for thousands of years. Condemnation accomplishes nothing.

Source:- “Personality Development” written by Swami Vivekanad Ji.

Control Your Negative Emotions

We must have these four sort of ideas. We must have friendship for all; we must be merciful towards those that are in misery; when people are happy, we ought to be happy. So with all subjects that comes before us. If the subject is a good one, we shall feel friendly towards it; if the subject of thought is one that is miserable, we must be merciful towards it. If it is good, we must be glad; if it is evil, we must be indifferent. These attitudes of the mind towards the different subjects that come before it will make the mind peaceful. Most of our difficulties in our daily lives come from being unable to hold our minds in this way. For instance, if a man does evil to us, instantly we want to React evil, and every reaction of evil shows that we are not able to hold the CHITTA down; it comes out in waves towards the object, and we lose our power. Every reaction in the form of hatred or evil is so much loss to the mind; and every evil thought of reaction, if it is controlled, will be laid in our favor. It is no that we by thus restraining ourselves; we are gaining infinitely more than we suspect. Each time we suppress hatred, or a feeling of anger, it is so much good energy stored up in our favor; that piece of energy will be converted in to the higher power.

Every vicious thought will rebound, every thought of hatred which you may have thought, in a cave even, is stored up, and will one day come back to you with tremendous power in the form of some misery here. If you project hatred and jealousy, they will rebound on you with compound interest. No power can avert them; when once you have put them in motion, you will have to bear them. Remembering this will prevent you from doing wicked things.

I may remark that this idea explains the ethical theory that you must not hate, and must love. Because, just as in the case of electricity the modern theory is that the power leaves the dynamo and completes the circle back to the dynamo, so with hate and love; they must come back to the source. Therefore do not hate anybody, because that hatred which comes out from you, must in the long run, comes back to you. If you love, that love will come back to you, completing the circle. Its is as certain as can be, that every bit of hatred that goes out of the heart of a man comes back to him in full force, nothing can stop it; similarly every impulse of love comes back to him.

The great secret is – absence of jealousy. Be always ready to concede to the opinions of your brethren, and try always to conciliate. That is the whole secret. Fight on bravely! Life is short! Give it up to a great cause.

Source:- “Personality Development” written by Swami Vivekananda Ji.

Influence of Thought

Just as every action that emanates from us comes back to us as reaction, even so our actions may act on other people and theirs on us. Perhaps all of you have observed it as a fact that when persons do evil actions they become more evil, and when they begin do good, they become stronger and stronger and learn to do good at all times. This intensification of the influence of action cannot be explained on any other ground than that we can act and react upon each other. To take an illustration from physical science, when I am doing a certain action, my mind may be said to be in a certain state of vibration; all minds which are in similar circumstances will have the tendency to be affected by my mind. If there are different musical instruments tuned alike in one room, all of you may have noticed that when one is struck, the others have the tendency to vibrate so as to give the same note. So all minds that have the same tension, so to say, will be equally affected by the same thought. Of course, this influence of thought on mind will vary according to distance and other causes, but the mind is always open to affection. Suppose I am doing an evil act, my mind is in a certain state of vibration, and all mind in the universe, which are in a similar state, have the possibility of being affected by the vibration of my mind. So, when I am doing a good action, my mind is another state of vibration; and all minds similarly strung have the possibility of being affected by my mind; and this power of mind upon mind is more or less according as the force of the tension is greater or less.

Following this smile further, it is quite possible that, just as light waves may travel for millions of years before they reach any object, so thought waves may also travel hundreds of years before they meet an object with which they vibrate in unison, it is quite possible, therefore, that this atmosphere of ours is full of such thought pulsations, both and evil. Every thought projected from every brain goes on pulsating, as it were, until it meets a fit object that will receive it. Any mind which is open to receive some of this impulse will take them immediately. So when a man is doing evil actions, he has brought his mind to a certain state of tension and all the waves which correspond to that state of tension, and which may be said to be already in the atmosphere, will struggle to enter into his mind. That is why an evildoer generally goes on doing more and more evil. His actions become intensified. Such also will be the case with the doer of good; he will open himself to all the good waves that are in the atmosphere, and his good action also will become intensified. We run, therefore, a twofold danger in doing evil: first, we open ourselves to all the evil influences surrounding us; secondly, we create evil which affects others, may be hundreds of years hence. In doing evil we injure ourselves and others also. In doing good we do well to ourselves and to others as well; and, like all other forces in man, these forces of good and evil also gather strength from outside.

Fill yourselves with the idea; whatever you do, think well on it. All your actions will be magnified, transformed, deified, by the very power of the thought. If matter is powerful, thought is omnipotent. Bring this thought to bear upon your life, fill yourselves with the thought of your almightiness, your majesty, and your glory. Would to god no superstitious have been put into your head! Would to god we had not been surrounded from our birth by all these superstitious influences and paralyzing ideas of our weakness and vileness! Would to god that mankind had an easier path thought which to attain to the pass through all this; do not make the path more difficult for those who are coming after you.

Source:- “Personality Development” written by Swami Vivekanad Ji.

Words of Wisdom

If you plant honesty, you will reap "trust"

If you plant goodness, you will reap "friends"

If you plant humility, you will reap greatness"

If you plant perseverance, you will reap "victory"

If you plant consideration, you will reap "harmony"

If you plant hard work, you will reap "success"

If you plant forgiveness, you will reap "reconciliation"

If you plant openness, you will reap "intimacy"

If you plant patience, you will reap "improvements"

If you plant faith, you will reap "miracles"

How to Change our Character

All the actions that we see in the world, all the movements in human society, all the works that we have around us, are simply the display of thought, the manifestation of the will of man. Machines or instruments, cities or man-of-war, all these are simply the manifestation of the will of man; and this will is caused by character, and character is manufactured by Karma. As is karma, so is the manifestation of the will. The man of mighty will the world has produced have all been tremendous workers gigantic souls, with wills powerful enough to overturn worlds, wills they got by persistent work, through ages, and ages.

We are what our thoughts have made us; so take care of what you think. Words are secondary. Thoughts live, they travel far. Each thought we think is tinged with our own character, so that for the pure and holy man, even his jest or abuse will have the twist of his own love and purity and do good.

Great requires great and persistent effort for a long time. Neither need we trouble ourselves if a few fail. It is in the nature of things that many should fall, that troubles should come, that tremendous difficulties should  arise, that selfishness and all the other devils in the human heart should struggle hard when they are about to be driven out by the fire of spirituality. The road to the Good is the roughest and steepest in the universe. It is a wonder that so many succeed no wonder that so many fall. Character has to be established through a thousand stumbles.

The mind, to have non- attachment, must be clear, good, and rational. Why should we practice? Because each action is like the pulsations quivering over the surface of the lake.The vibration dies out, and what is left? The SNSKARAS, the impressions. When a  large number of these impressions are left on the mind., they coalesce and become a habit. It is said, “Habit is second nature”, it is first nature also, and the whole nature of man; everything that we are the result of habit. That gives us consolation, because, if it is only habit, we can make and unmake it at any time. The SNSKARAS are left by these vibrations passing out of our mind, each one of them leaving its result. Our character is the sum-total of these marks, and according as some particular wave prevails, one becomes good; if wickedness, one become wicked; if joyfulness, one becomes happy. The only remedy for bad habits is counter habits; all the bad habits that have left their impressions are to be controlled by good habits. Go on doing good, thinking holy thought continuously; that is the only way to suppress base impressions. Never say any man is hopeless, because the only represents a character, a bundle of habits, which can be checked by new and better ones. Character is repeated habits, and repeated habits alone can reform character.

Source:- "Personality Development" written by Swami Vivekanad Ji.

A Bad and a Good Man

Every moment of the body, every thought that we think, leaves such an impression on the mind-stuff, and even when such impressions are not obvious on the surface, they are sufficiently strong to work beneath the surface, subconsciously. What we are every moment is determines by the sum total of these impressions on the mind. What I am just at this moment is the effect of the sum total of all the impressions of my past life. This is really what is meant by character, each man’s character is determined by the sum total of these impressions. If good impressions prevail, the character becomes good; if bad becomes bad. If a man continuously hears bad words, think bad thoughts, does bad actions, his mind will be full of bad impressions; and the will influence his thought and work without his being conscious of the fact.

In fact, these bad impressions are always working, and their resultant must be evil, and that man will be a bad man; he cannot help it. The sum total of these impressions in him will create the strong motive power for doing bad actions. He will be like a machine in the hands of impressions, and they will force him to do evil. Similarly, if a man thinks good thoughts and does good works, the sum total of these impressions will be good; and they, in a similar manner, will force him to do well even in spite of himself. When a man has done so much good work and thought so many good thoughts that there is an irresistible tendency in him to do good, in spite of himself and even if he wishes to do evil, his mind, as the sum total of his tendencies, will not allow him to do so: the tendencies will turn him back: he is completely under the influence of the good tendencies. Whensuch is the case, a man’s good character is said to be established.

If you really want to judge of the character of a man, look not at this great performances. Every fool may become a hero at one time or another. Watch a man do his most common actions; those are indeed the things which will tell you the real character of a great man. Great occasions rouse even the lowest of human beings to some kind of greatness, but he alone is the really great man whose character is great always, the same wherever he be.

Source:- "Personality Development" written by Swami Vivekanad Ji.

Pleasure is not the Goal

Pleasure is not the Goal. Of man, but knowledge, Pleasure and happiness come to an end. It is mistake to suppose that pleasure is the goal. The cause of all the miseries we have in the world is that man foolishly think pleasure to be the ideal to strive for. After a time man finds that it is not happiness, but Knowledge, towards which he is going, and the both pleasure and pain are great teachers, and that he learns as much from evil as from good.

Good and evil have an equal share in moulding character, and in some instances misery is a greater teacher than happiness In studying the great characters the world has produced, I dare say, in the vast majority of case, it would be found that it was misery that taught more than happiness, it was poverty that taught more than wealth, it was blows that brought out their inner fire more than praise.

Sense- happiness is not the goal of humanity. Wisdom is the goal of all life. We find that man enjoys his intellect more than an animal enjoys its senses; and we see that man enjoys his spiritual nature even more than this rational nature. So the highest wisdom must be this spiritual Knowledge. With this knowledge will come bliss. All these things of this world are the shadows, the manifestations in the third or fourth degree of the real knowledge and Bliss.

Only the fools rush after sense-enjoyments. It is easy to live in the sense. It is easier to run in the old groove, eating and drinking; but what these modern philosophers want to tell you is to take these comfortable ideas and put the stamp of religion on them. Such a doctrine is dangerous. Death lines in the senses.

Life on the plane of the sprit is the only life, life on any other plane is mere death; the whole of this life can be only described as a gymnasium. We must go beyond it to enjoy real life.

Source:- "Personality Development" written by Swami Vivekanad Ji.

Man is Divine

Even this world, this body and mind are superstitions; what infinite souls you are! And to be tricked bye twinkling stars! It is a shameful condition, you are divinities; the twinkling stars owe their existence to you.

Everything that is strong , and good ,and powerful in human nature is the outcome of that divinity, and though potential in many, there is no difference between man and man essentially, all being alike divine.

There is, as it were, an infinite ocean behind, and you and I are so many waves, coming out of that infinite ocean of Existence, Knowledge, and Bliss as our birthright, our real nature: and the difference between us is caused by the greater or lesser power to manifest that divine.

This infinite power of the sprit, brought to bear upon matter evolves material development, made to act upon thought evolves intellectuality, and made to act upon itself makes of man a God.

Manifest the divinity within you, and every thing will be harmoniously arranged around it.

Source:- "Personality Development" written by Swami Vivekanad Ji.

Laws of Personality Development

The Science of yoga claims that it has discovered the laws which develop this personality, and by proper attention to those laws and methods, each one can grow and strengthen his personality. This is one of the great practical things. And this is the secret of all education. This has a universal application. In life of a householder, in the life of the poor, the rich, the man of business, the spiritual man, in every one's life, it is a great thing, the strengthening of this personality. There are laws, very fine which are behind the physical laws, as we know. The is to say, there are no such realities as a physical world, a mental world, a spiritual world .Whatever is, is one. Let us say, it is a sort of tapering existence: the thickest part of is here, it tapers and becomes finer and finer. The finest is what we call spirit; the grossest, the body. And just as it is here in the microcosm, the universe of ours is exactly like that; it is the gross external thickness, and it tapers in to something finer and finer until it becomes God.

We also know that the greatest power is lodged in the fine, not the coarse. We see a man take up a huge weight, we see his muscles swell, and all over his body we see signs of exertion, and we think the muscles are powerful things. But it is thin thread like things, the moment one of these threads is cut  off from reaching the muscles, they are not able to work at all. These tiny nerves bring the power from something still finer, and that again in its turn brings it from something finer still- Thought, and so on. So, it is the fine that is really the seat of power.

Of course we can see the movements in the gross; but when fine movements take a place,we can’t see them.When a gross thing moves, we catch it. And thus,we naturally identify movement with things which are gross but all the power is really in the fine. We do not see any movement in the fine, perhaps, because the movements so intense that we cannot perceive it.But if by any Science,any investigation,we are helped to get hold of these finer forces which are the cause of the expression; the expression itself will be under control.There is a little bubble coming from the bottom of a lake: we do not see it coming all the time,we see it only when it bursts on the surface; so,we can perceive thoughts only after they develop a great deal,or after they become action. We constantly complain that we have no control over our action, over our thoughts. But how can we have it? If we can get control over the fine movements,if we can get hold of thought at the root,before it has become thought, before it has become action, then it would be possible for us to control the whole. Now, if there is a method by which we can analyze, investigate, understand, and finally grapple with those finer powers, the finer causes, then alone is it possible to have control over ourselves, and the man who has control over his own mind assuredly will have control over every other mind. That is why purity and morality has been always the object of religion; a pure, moral man has control of himself. And all minds are the same.Different parts of one mind. He who knows one lump of clay has known all the clay in the universe. He who knows and controls his own mind knows the secret of every mind and has power over every mind.

Now, a good deal of our physical evil we can get rid of, if we have control over the fine parts; a good many worries we can throw off, if we have control over the fine movements; a good many failures can be averted, if we have control over these fine POWERS.

Source:- "Personality Development" written by Swami Vivekanad Ji.

First Love Yourself

Hey You,
Don't you give up, it's not so bad
There's still a chance for us
Hey you,
Just be yourself, don't be so shay
There's reasons why it's hard
Keep it together, you'll make it alright
Our celebration is going on tonight
Poets and prophets would envy what we do
This could be good, hey you

Hey you,
Open your heart, it's not so strange
you've got to change this time
Hey you,
Remember this, none of it's real
Including the way you feel

Keep it together, you'll make it alright
Our celebration is going on tonight
Poets and prophets would envy what we do
This could be good, hey you

Save your soul, little sister
Save your soul, little brother
Hey you, save yourself
Don't rely on anyone else

First love yourself, then you can love someone else
If you can change someone else, then you have saved someone else
But you must first love yourself, then you can love someone else
if you can change someone else, then you have saved someone else
But you must first

Hey you,
There on the fence, you have got a choice
One day it will make sense
Hey you,
First love yourself, or if you can't,
Try to love someone else

Keep it together, you'll make it alright
Our celebration is going on tonight
Poets and prophets would envy what we do
This could be good, hey you

First love yourself, then you can love someone else
If you can change someone else, then you have saved someone else
But you must first love yourself, then you can love someone else
if you can change someone else, then you have saved someone else
But you must first

Source:-I sang this nice song in "Discussion Meeting"- Ms*

Everyone Needs Someone S*

People need people and friends need friends
And we all need love for a full life depends
Not on vast riches or great acclaim,
Not on success or on worldly fame,
But just in knowing that someone cares
And holds us close in their thoughts and prayers

Thanks You S*

I never came to you, my friend,
and went away without
some new enrichment of the heart;
More faith and less of doubt,
more courage in the days ahead.
And often in great need coming to you,

Friendship

It is by chance we met, by choice we became friends.
Friendship is a strange thing---
we find ourselves telling each other the deepest details of our lives,
things we don't even share with our families who raised us.
But what is a friend? A confidant? A lover?
A fellow email junkie? A shoulder to cry on?
An ear to listen? A heart to feel?...
A friend is all these things...and more.
No matter where we met, I call you friend.
A word so small yet so large in feeling,
a word filled with emotion.

It is true great things come in small packages.
Once the package of friendship has been opened,
it can never be closed.
It is a constant book always written
waiting to be read and enjoyed.
We may have our disagreements, we may argue,
we may concern one another,
friendship is a unique bond that lasts through it all.

A part of me is put into my friends,
some it is my humor, some it is my listening ear,
some it is real life experiences, some it is my romanticism
but with all, it is friendship.

Friendships forged are a construct stronger
than steel built as a foundation,
necessary for life and necessary for love.
Friends----you and me
You brought another friend and then there were 3.
We started our group
Our circle of friends and like that circle
There is no beginning or end...
~author unknown

There's a miracle of Friendship
that dwells within the heart,
And you don't know how it happens
or where it gets its start...
But the happiness it brings you
always gives a special lift,
And you realize that Friendship
Is God's most perfect gift.
-Jean Kyler McManus

S* My Friend

S* my friend
You don't always show it,
but I know that you care.

S My friend
If I'd ever need you,
I know you'd be there.

You I'm glad you're my friend.
Your smile makes me smile.
Your pain makes me hurt.

S My friend
I want you to know:
If you need me--I'm there.
make you happy, make you laugh.

S My friend
Sometimes you make me mad,
but I can't stay mad.

S My friend
Sometimes I want to get away from you.
And sometimes there's nothing I want more than:
to talk to you, to tell you about my day,
to hear about yours, to laugh with you,
to tease you, to share an inside joke,
that no one else would get,
to argue with you, but know we're just kidding..

S My friend
Do you remember the time when...?
There are so many times.

S My friend
Don't ever lose the wonderful person you are.
Stay happy. Stay healthy. Stay you.

S My friend
I'll never stop being your friend.
Don't ever stop being mine.

S My friend
Just wanted to tell you:
I care.

Friendship Quotation -I

"Among Life's precious jewels,Genuine and rare,
The one that we call friendship Has worth beyond compare."
~ author unknown

Real friendship is a rare and precious gift, strong,
stable, yet fragile, and never to be taken for granted.
~GAgirl

"Friendship is the only cement that will ever hold the world together"
-Woodrow Wilson

"Treat your friends as you do your pictures,and place them in their best light."
~ Jennie Jerome Churchill

"Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art...
It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival."
~C.S. Lewis

"In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies,but the silence of our friends."
~ Martin Luther King Jr.

"Friendship doubles your joys, and divides your sorrows."
~ author unknown

"Friendship without self - interest is one of the rare and beautiful things of life."
~ James F. Byrnes

"Give me one friend, just one, who meets The needs of all my varying moods."
~ Esther M. Clark

"The greatest good you can do for another is not just to share your riches but to reveal to him his own."
~ Benjamin Disraeli

"The only way to have a friend is to be one."
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

"The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand,nor the kindly smile nor the joy of companionship;
it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when he discovers that someone else believes in him
and is willing to trust him."
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Friendship is always a sweet responsibility,never an opportunity."
~ Kahlil Gibran

"Friendship is neither a formality nor a mode: it is rather a life."
~ David Grayson

Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead.
Just walk beside me and be my friend forever.
~unknown

"If a man does not make new acquaintances as he
advances through life, he will soon find himself left alone;
one should keep his friendships in constant repair."
~ Samuel Johnson

"Am I not destroying my enemies when I make friends of them?"
~ Abraham Lincoln

"You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist."
~ Golda Meir

"Friendship is one mind in two bodies."
~ Mencius

"The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away."
~ Wilson Mizner

"Think where man's glory most begins and ends, And say my glory was I had such friends."
~ William Butler Yeats

"Stay is a charming word in a friend's vocabulary."
~ Louisa May Alcott

"Celebrate the happiness that friends are always giving, make every day a holiday and celebrate just living!"
~ Amanda Bradley

"If we would build on a sure foundation in friendship, we must love friends for their sake rather than for our own."
~ Charlotte Bronte

"The person who tries to live alone will not succeed as a human being.
His heart withers if it does not answer another heart.
His mind shrinks away if he hears only the echoes of his own thoughts
and finds no other inspiration."
~ Pearl S. Buck

"Friendship with oneself is all important, because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world."
~ Eleanor Roosevelt

"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked."
~ Bernard Meltzer

"A friend is someone who sings your heart's song back to you when you have forgotten the words."
~ David Coppola, Ph.D.

"Some people come into our lives and quickly go.
Some people move our souls to dance. They awaken us to
new understanding with the passing whisper of their wisdom.
Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon.
They stay in our lives for awhile, leave footprints
on our hearts, and we are never ever the same."
~ Flavia Weedn

"Sometimes our light goes out but is blown into flame by another human being. Each of us owes deepest thanks to those who have rekindled this light."
~ Albert Schweitzer

"You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people
than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you."
~ Dale Carnegie

"A friend is a gift you give yourself."
~ Robert Louis Stevenson

"Friendship is like a bank account; you cannot continue to draw on it without making a deposit."
~ Nicole Beale

"When you ask God for a gift,
Be thankful if he sends,
Not diamonds, pearls or riches,
but the love of real true friends."
~Helen Steiner Rice

source :gagirl

The Beauty of Lifetime Relationship

Those who are rich in their friendship seem to be those who believe in lifelong relationship, who stay with their companions through thick and thin ,who weather the dry spells.

My uncle was 47 when his best friend died. His grief at friend's death made me realize what their friendship hadmeant to them for more the 40 years. they had grown up as boys in the same rural town. My uncle reflecting on their similarities,said:" Pant and I had a lot in common. ......and your aunty were the only girls either of us ever went out with, and we stayed married to them for more than 28 years".

At times the two men did not see much of each other because one or both were very busy , but there were hidden sinews of loyalty there.Pant always sent a bushel of mango to our house in the fall when his orchard was bearing, and my uncle would drop by Pant's nursery, where they would have long talk as they walked among the rows of shrubs.

But nowadays ......

There are people who are chronic failures at all their intimate relations and who are always on the move-jumping out of one friendship and into another relationship, Thinking all the time that the trouble has been their friends.They suppose that their hope for happiness lies in finding better people somewhere in the world. Often estranged from their relatives, they also carry on feuds with their neighbors and move from one marriage to another.

But consider , Sooner or later , You must learn to hang on when the going is tough ,to give even when your are not getting much.

(NHRK)

Miracle of Touch

A few years ago a group of young medical students were training in the children's ward of a large hospital. One particular student seemed especially loved by the children. They always greeted him with joy.the others could not understand why? Finally they detailed one of their number to follow him and find out what it was about him that attracted the children The observe detected nothing until night, when the young medic made his last round. Then the mystery was solved. He kissed child good-night.

Guideline number one for cultivating intimacy is :- Our bodies become our best tools for achieving genuine intimacy with those around us. If you observe this who have deep relationships, you will find that, although few of them are indiscriminate grabbers who hug everyone in sight, most have delicately tuned their sense of touch and it is in use every time the are with people. They listen with their eyes, they draw close to another person during conversation, and they make body contact frequently to keep communication at a warm level.

Ashley Montagu demonstrates that the skin, once regarded as little more than a simple body covering, is actually our most powerful sense organ. More than half a million sensory fibers flow from the skin though the spinal cord to the brain. As a sensory system its is the most important organ part of the body. A human being can function blind and deaf and completely lacking the senses of smell and taste, But it is impossible to survive at all without the function performed by the skin. It was once thought that animals licked their young merely to keep them clean. But as Montagu shown, the washing serves a much more profound purpose. Proper stimulation of the skin is essential for organic and behavioral development.

(NHRK)

Friendship: A Valuable Commodity

Jesus placed great value on relationship. He chose to spend much of his time deepening his connection with a few significant person rather than addressing the crowed. What is more: his teaching was filledwith practical suggestions on how to befriend people and how to relate to friends.

The commandment on this topic was so important that he introduced it with an opening flag :"A new commandment I give to you ,that you love one another: even as I have loved you: that you also love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another "( John13:34-35).

Those words are now almost 2000 years old, but their currency is demonstrated by a recent study. In his book "The Broken Heart" Dr. James  & J. Lynch shows that lonely people live significantly shorter lives than the general population. Lynch who is a specialist in psychosomatic disease, cites a wealth of statistics to demonstrate the unhealthy aspects of isolation and the magical powers of human contact.

Even viewed from a financial perspective, our friendships are our most valuable commodity. Studies at the Carnegie Institute of Technology reveal that even in such fields as engineering, about 15% of one's financial success is due to one's technical knowledge and about 85% is due to skill in human engineering to personality and the ability to lead people.

Dr. William Menninger has found that when people are discharged from their jobs in industry, social incompetence accounts for 60 to 80% of the failures. Only 20 to 40% are due to technical incompetence.

(NHRK)